I didn’t think I’d EVER be starting a blog post with this, but…
I’m newly engaged and having a baby!
Now before I dive into the story, I will precede with:
Anyone who personally knows me is aware that I’m leaving my stable full-time job at the café to transition into casual ESL teaching. And lucky me, I fell pregnant just as I was coming to the end of my teaching certificate.
Bad timing… or perfect timing?
For weeks of feeling exhausted and stressed (symptoms of first trimester), I labelled it ‘work-related stress.’ Little did I know there was a human inside me. I ended up disregarding the whole first trimester, testing only two weeks before moving into the second trimester. Anyone who has no clue about pregnancy (because neither did I until I had to know), I’ll quickly explain that we go through three phases– three trimesters. During each, women supposedly feel a particular way– emotionally and physically. Each to their own, though. I’m not a doctor or providing medical knowledge, I’m just saying that for a third of my pregnancy I was oblivious, despite the obvious symptoms.
I’m incredibly grateful and this is why:
It changed my thinking
I’m the type of person who is highly motivated to live a fulfilling life of abundance, so I passionately take on task after task, eventually bombarding myself and becoming overwhelmed. I never saw friends often or ever RELAXED. The exhaustion from the first trimester forced me to stop everything. My energy and passionate ambitions subsided, nothing seemed nearly as important as growing a baby. This hefty work-weight instantly relieved my shoulders once I’d stopped.
I immediately learnt many life lessons during this period, including:
SLOW DOWN, STOP BLOODY STRESSING AND STOP DOING THINGS
Hard work and achievements, etc. are great qualities and fulfilling things to have but I think society puts TOO MUCH emphasis on success. Over-working, over-achieving, over-doing everything. Wouldn’t you agree? Where’s the emphasis on disconnecting, occasionally letting go of the doing, feeling free and happy? From what I’ve seen, it’s only in the deepest parts of Instagram and in spiritual books. I had to drop everything before realising my toxic relationship with accomplishment and work. Focus on being real and alive, equally to hard-working and skilled.
SACRIFICE THE IMPORTANCE OF YOUR HOBBIES AND SEE IF YOUR SENSE OF SELF SUFFICES
For weeks I closed myself off from poetry and creativity (*gasp!*) but for the first time in years, I genuinely returned to my being. I was so consumed that life had become extremely narrow, consisting of poetry, my world of blogging, gym at 5pm, and groundhog day at work. I was completely hypnotised. As a result of this, I found it nearly impossible to break bad habits and live in alignment with my deep, honest desires. I struggled to eat healthier, consistently improve my yoga practice, be closer with friends/ get amongst the community, and invest in myself. My identity is not my art/ occupation. I don’t have an ‘identity.’ I have my soul, my body, the quality of them, and my kindness to others. I dropped this identity and found my sense of self.
MAKE PLENTY OF TIME FOR SPIRITUAL CONNECTION– HANDMADE AND HEALTHY
Once I stopped prioritising poetry and Instagram and having a little side-biz, I suddenly gained more hours in a day. I read more, danced more, and started focusing on my spiritual well-being and putting effort into homemade– an element diminishing in this fast-pace, low quality progressiveness of society. Homemade gifts, homemade sauces and meals. I’m not saying completely give up your hobbies for ‘time-wasting’ and ‘chores,’ but incorporate the fulfilling satisfaction of enjoying homemade goods and bloody dancing. I highly encourage productive time-wasting! There is more to life than work and money– damn, third-world countries are probably happier and more appreciative!
My decision against abortion
I never wanted to have children. I wanted to roam freely and fulfil my joys and walk with purpose for the rest of my life. Here I am, again, making seemingly half-witted decisions. The undeniable excitement and transposed attitude from liberty to stability, persuaded my decision. I trusted my partner and thus, had faith in my decision. Despite the seemingly bad timing of getting pregnant in the midst of changing careers,
Nature is ALWAYS on time
Life has a fun way of making things work regardless of the situation, so I’m not stressed about the future. I’m just enjoying the ride and putting the work in when necessary; not to prove to myself anything, like I used to, but because hard work still has its merits. I’m taking out the intensity while doing my best to be my healthiest
(physically, emotionally, socially, financially) and that’s all that really matters. The rest is extra or luxury. If your lifestyle includes too much stress and unhappiness, it’s not impossible to make changes– even 5 minutes of meditation everyday, if not anything else.
I’m 14 weeks as of posting this– finally into the second trimester, so I feel fantastic! In saying that, it’s almost inevitable you will encounter some grammatical/ writing errors in this blog post, regardless of the thousands of re-reads and editing I do. My pregnancy brain is thriving! Comment below if you find one.
My partner and I always discussed our point-of-views on marriage and we both hadn’t the need to marry– him having been divorced twice, and me not feeling like being legally bound to someone (it sounded horrifying). With time, my feelings grew fonder and more assured that I ditched my stubborn opinion and views. He became sure of us– the fact that the insane age gap had no impact on the relationship, it was d e s t i n y. 🙂
I write in detail about the age gap (if you don’t already know, I won’t spoil it) and how we sustain a strong, healthy relationship in this blog post.
After two-years of love, post Fiji-times (May, 2022) he admitted his intent to propose. He was so certain about our healthy & selfless love, that when I fell pregnant, he declared to engage to me before the baby’s birth… and since a child is more permanent than marriage, it was an easy, unwavering decision.
Fast-forward to October, 22, 2022…
This is where I’m in emotional tears, your heart is melting, and a piano is sounding softly in the background…
He spent A LOT of money to create such an incredibly sweet, yet simple, weekend.
This is it, in photographs.
I’m extremely grateful and wish this great love and fortune for everyone.