Dealing with Feeling Small

Small.

Smaller than a rat.

You’re not a rat.

You’re not a rat!

Rearrange some letters.

Art.

That’s what you are.


We’ve all felt small, if not right now. I want to share with you my short experience that recalibrated my mindset, to that of self-worth. When an ant dies, the world still revolves, but every ant is just as important as it’s fellow ant-mate; for food or for labour. Otherwise, none would be important, and Earth would start to die because the ant population is ceasing. If you’re troubled with a low sense of self-worth, hear me out in this post.

I had a miserable afternoon- it was one of those moments where someone convinces you that everything you work hard doing, is pathetic and you’re just like everyone else. It’s not a great feeling, agree? So, I went running like I always do when I need to escape. I ran (yeah, actual running) until I proved to myself that I wasn’t a lazy, pathetic human being. I was gutted that I could believe I didn’t matter. The firepit burning inside my stomach forced me to strap up my new runners and exhale some smoke.

I ran a solid 3.5km before turning around. I was cruising back in the dark with a dim, virtually USELESS headtorch, alone through an area of bushland, and I stubbed my toe on a lip in the concrete. Going downhill, gravity grabbed me and dragged me across what felt like a cheese grater. The adrenaline numbed the pain, so I continued on. I’ve never acknowledged pain like I should, so I didn’t bother checking the obvious damage. Liquid tickled my shin-which was starting to ache from the run- and my hand was gooey with blood. Under a street light, I glimpsed red streaming from my knees. I better stop before I get shin splints and just to make sure I’m not bleeding all over the cement... someone might think there’s been a murder.

I still bled… I was still human.

I’d been incredibly tough on myself; pushing to succeed and be my most profound version- as we all try to do. I let some non-sense person, whom I disagreed with, crawl into my head and kick around my confidence. We’re all trying to do our best in this life.

I had slacked off for a week with exercise, eating, discipline, and overall, felt pretty miserable (that time of the month). In all honesty, I wanted to sit in a dark corner and cry until the end of my days. I was fragile. A week is bugger all time, but I was deep inside my head about it. We all feel that way sometimes. It’s unlucky that I tripped, but fortunate that I fell on rocky concrete. I’m grateful life reminded;

I AM STILL A HUMAN,

and I need to take it easy on myself.

Emotions will effortlessly throw you with bear claws into the dungeon of negativity; self-disbelief and self-criticism, without strong sense of self- and this can be a result of lack of family and peer support. Maybe you’re in the same boat- of isolation and unimportance.

It helps to reconnect with family and old friends, and to reflect on your upbringing and the sequence of events that lead you to where you are now. Don’t let people convince you that you’re pathetic or not good enough! We’re all raised under separate rules, beliefs, values and cultures, surrounded by different communities; some criminal, some free-spirited, some wealthy. We all have reasons for why we react and act how we do, and of course it can be redeveloped, but essentially, it’s the ground we’re built on, and sometimes, ground we’re quite content with.

Don’t believe anybody you don’t agree with.

In my circumstance, I have opposite ideas and motivations compared to my family, so most of what I’ve learnt thus far has been through living, failing, and friends guiding me along the way- bless them! Feeling useless is useless. If you’re criticising yourself because of failure or an insult, you can either learn or ignore it. Easier said than done, but keep it in mind.

It’s amusing that we take emotions as seriously as we do, considering they’re constantly fleeting and being persuaded. It’s all a trick of the mind. Writing this where I am in life now, I couldn’t imagine feeling even slightly inferior, that’s why I say this. Take it easy on yourself, it’s all as real as it is an illusion…

Right?

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Poet and yogi. Evoking the heart's truths and using my observations and journey of self-discovery to inspire people.

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