I’m an idiot for not realising this sooner. The past week has taught me valuable lessons about taking time off work. The video below explains the situation I was in and a few valuable things I learnt about respecting myself. I brush over my struggles and what I’m doing to improve my life situation.
If you feel doomed in the same routine, if you’re in a job that isn’t fitted for you, if your life seems perfect but something feels off, watch below.
I’m sniffy and sound like I’m upset because it’s freezing cold! 40-50 hr weeks don’t sound like much, but when don’t get days off and you’re trying to establish your brand, and study, and exercise/yoga, and deal with family, it gets exhausting and stressful. I was so annoyed with going to the same ol’ easy job that I worked harder to figure out a career so that I can move on with my life. I definitely haven’t been patient because I’ve been so irritated with it all. There is every excuse for me to leave my job- from finances to having no separation between work and my boss’s personal life. It’s hard to get time off when you’re heavily trusted and relied on. At this point, I stay because I need the money and have become close with the regulars.
Quite bizarrely, I went out with a friend from my local running group, two days after this epiphany, who studied psychology. He mentioned, his favourite topic in psychology was on human personality traits. He got me onto 16Personality Test, a website with the free test, to see what category I got. It only took 15 minutes or so. It helped me grasp an idea of why I’m floundering as a barista.
I’ve linked the website at the bottom of this blog. Check it out after you’ve finished reading, so you can compare what I’ve discussed to your personality type.
In life, we’re too ignorant of ourselves. We listen to everyone’s similar advice. In this case, it was in the forefront of my mind: a job is a job, it pays the bills, deal with it. But for how long was I supposed to trade my sanity for money? When could I live how I wanted? That personality test described my depths. I’m the type of person that NEEDS silence and alone-time. I make decisions based on feeling over thought, very intuitive and overthink everything. I’m sensitive and empathetic and it causes me great distress for someone to be angry with me. I live wanting everyone to be happy and don’t like to be the cause of someone’s discontentment. It’s no wonder working full-time in a highly social environment is driving me insane. And I knew I was introverted and preferred to NOT socialise, but I thought it was something I could overcome, and for an undergraduate there aren’t many options.
It’s a personality; it’s me, I can’t change it. I can make improvements— grow in confidence, etc— to help me to where I’m going, but I can’t decide to change my deep love for silence and solitude. It’s natural for me to live in fantasy land, I like it there, it’s the reason I’m a poet, it’s the reason you’re reading this blog. We are who we are, we love what we love, it’s all unique to us. A part of self acceptance is knowledge of thy self. When we know ourselves we can make good choices to fulfil our lives.
I’m taking time off work for a week to calm my overactive mind and lessen my chronic anxiety and stress. I’m returning to myself in the quietness of a week of nothingness; no work, no catch ups, no worrying, no studying, just breathing and living. I owe it to myself. In reality, you technically don’t NEED to work, you just need money to survive, if you’ve got the money, why not go on holidays to live your life? Who’s says you having to be a working robot waiting for the weekend? Do whatever you please, with regard to people and the environment, and be happy. Maybe I decide to pursue another job and quit, maybe I work less and take more time for myself. I’ll let you know my decision in a future blog post.
I hope this blog clarified some feelings toward yourself and your current life situation.
Comment below your personality type!! I’m the mediator!
Here’s that link I promised: https://www.16personalities.com